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Friday, March 27th, 2009

Subject:From the London Times
Time:12:56 pm.
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who
has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was,
since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He
will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the
worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend
more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children,
are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy
charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended
from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for
reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the
job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly
children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental
consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student; but could
not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an
abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses;
and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a
burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to
realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in
her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by
his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
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Sunday, January 18th, 2009

Time:3:28 am.
I FUCKING HATE SCARY THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Tuesday, November 4th, 2008

Subject:Thank you, Julius
Time:9:08 pm.
The History of Election Day
Share
Today at 12:10pm
Hurray, it's my favorite post-Halloween holiday today! Happy E-Day everyone. Not to be confused with Ecstasy Day, so don't start rolling yet, you goofy ravers, you. I'm talking about Election Day where all your favorite characters come to life and enter your life like unwanted pregnancy.

Legend has it that on this day some 200 years ago, our brave forefathers went to battle the forces of tyranny and slaughtered the Wizard King of Communism and his hellish army of socialist demons with flaming swords of democracy. Thus, America was born. Now, on November 4th of every year, Americans summon their ancestor's spirit by casting ballots into the gaping void of the future, securing our nation's safety and electing the one hero who will be put against descendants of non-American regimes.

Also, Joe the Plumber flies through the air in his magic Hummer to give little Republican children a tax credit for their health care, while Hockey Moms across the U.S. hide plastic eggs filled with aborted fetuses in the homes of Liberal pro-choicers.

Democrats like to go door to door and play their favorite Bill Clinton saxophone song and collect taxes at the same time. Then at the stroke of 5 p.m., Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin join forces for the ceremonial glass ceiling cracking to rain down shards of feminism into the voting mind of the population. Oh, how I can't wait.

So remember to leave your ballots under your Election Tree for the next president. He'll use the Patriot Act to get into your home, so don't worry about locking your doors.



not mine, from faceplace
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Wednesday, October 1st, 2008

Time:12:04 pm.
Note to Self:
Buy soup, and oatmeal, and hot chocolate, and milk, and a pitcher for juice.
Do your drawing homework.
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Sunday, September 14th, 2008

Time:7:30 pm.
THIS WEEKEND WAS SO MUCH FUUUUN!!!!
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!
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Saturday, August 16th, 2008

Time:4:05 am.
This week has been fun.
I'm really excited for the year.
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Wednesday, August 13th, 2008

Time:12:25 am.
I moved in. Kind of. It needs a lot of work (I have the big room btw).
This is weird. I'm really far away from where I was. It's surreal. And Portland feels so empty right now. I miss Aaaaandy....This sucks. I got stupid and got a attached. Stupid distance. And FH. Now I'm jacking the internet from a corner upstairs, kind of watching Buffy and dreading trying to sleep in my spidery room. Gross. I need to vacuum. Even grosser. I can't wait for Saturday!!!!!! Or to have furniture and be finished with most of my moving. To move on to decorating.
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Tuesday, August 21st, 2007

Subject:God Loves Ugly
Time:12:20 pm.
LJ's ugly.

I don't know if I like it.

I want to customize mooooooore!
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LiveJournal for puppetpal.

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